Trevor Noah on the drone strike: ‘America never forgets…unless it’s slavery’ | Late Night TV Roundup
Trevor Noah recapped a major announcement from the White House: that 20 years after 9/11, the US military killed al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri by drone as he stood on his balcony in a safe house in Kabul.
“Damn, America cut the world’s most wanted terrorist off the balcony of his safe house?” the Daily Show host said on Tuesday night. “I mean also, at this point, maybe we should stop calling them safe houses. Every terrorist is killed in a safe house. They should call it “a house you think you’re safe in, but you never know”.
“The crazy thing is America didn’t just kill him. They killed him with a razor blade missile, which I didn’t even know a thing existed,” Noah continued, explaining the mechanics of the Hellfire missile, a non-explosive, unmanned weapon that deploys razor blades in flight.
“The weapons America has are like things kids invent on the playground,” Noah added, impersonating a child: “I’m shooting you with a laser-guided missile with razor blades and a body. shark.” Meanwhile, the CIA is up in a tree thinking ‘with the body of a shark, do you guys get that? We have to make one.
“When you see stories like this, when you see stories about what America is capable of, that’s when you realize there really is no excuse for the amount of domestic terrorism in America. “, continued Noah. Zawahiri, Osama bin Laden’s deputy and successor, lived in a safe house in Kabul and yet “America knew what time of day he liked to hang out on his balcony”, he said. “But when a white supremacist posts on Facebook that he’s going to murder everyone, then buys an AR-15, everyone is like, ‘Oh, there was no way to stop that!'”
The point of the assassination, Noah joked, was that “America never forgets…unless it’s slavery. But everything else, America never forgets.
On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert began with Nancy Pelosi’s controversial trip to Taiwan, which sparked intense anger from the Chinese government. Chinese officials warned the Speaker of the House, without subtlety, that “those who play with fire will perish”.
“Have you seen California? It’s no longer the threat it once was, China,” Colbert joked.
China warned that its military “would not stand idly by” if Pelosi went to Taiwan, and warned that “no matter why Pelosi goes to Taiwan, it will be a stupid, dangerous and pointless gamble”.
“It’s a bad omen,” Colbert said. “Also a perfect slogan for White Castle.”
Additionally, the Chinese military conducted live-fire drills in the South China Sea and scrambled jets when Pelosi’s plane landed in Taiwan. “All this for an 82-year-old woman with brittle peanut bones,” Colbert mused. “The tensions are so high that the Ministry of Defense has improved its preparation for Defcon Mee-maw.”
Pelosi arrived in Taiwan safely, as the Chinese government reiterated that US politicians who “play with fire” on Taiwan independence “will achieve nothing”.
“This threat started off very scary and ended up being very vague,” Colbert said. “We will have more of this story if humanity continues to exist.”
Colbert also referred to the US drone strike in Kabul that killed Zawahiri. “We haven’t had such a victory since we had bin Laden 11 years ago,” exclaimed Colbert. “So play some LMFAO on my slightly different iPhone and throw Girl With the Dragon Tattoo on the Blu-ray, cause I’m partying like it’s 2011! Hashtag winner, Beyoncé is pregnant, hope I can host the Late Show one day.
In a press conference from Washington, Biden assured that the mission to kill Zawahiri was “carefully planned to rigorously minimize harm to other civilians. No member of his family was injured and there were no civilian casualties.
“OK, that’s cool, but shouldn’t that be the goal of all military operations?” Colbert replied “It’s like a doctor saying ‘the operation was a complete success, Mr Johnson. We removed your appendix without stabbing any of the nearby nurses.